Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
