The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
