I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
