one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
