drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
