East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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