I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
