I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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