wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize