yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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