i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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