that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
