At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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