imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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