We won't sleep together?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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