my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
BRING THE BAGELS
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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