she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
