sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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