God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
