I will die if light touches me.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
