Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
