The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
