I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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