I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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