bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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