If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
