he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
