It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize