he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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