omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
