Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
