i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
