I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
