How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize