Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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