the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
