Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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