I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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