puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
