I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
