I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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