I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
