I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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