dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
