They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
