Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
