thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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