I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My cat gives me a boner
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Your penis caused this!
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