You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
