quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Randomize
