Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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