I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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