Sponge bath it is.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
