in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
