Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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