Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
