Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
