C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
