Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I party with great urgency now.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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