Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
