Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
