he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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