I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she peed on how many people?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
