Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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