So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You may now shotgun with the bride
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
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