I swear she didn't look like that last week.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
