similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I could fuck to npr.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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