3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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