so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
