you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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