OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
