I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
