I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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