You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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