He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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