Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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