yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
handjob tips. give me some.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
vagina is talking i cant
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
