I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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