You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
