I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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